My Best Tip for Keeping Your Kids (and Yourself) Calm

Have you ever been in that situation where your young children are screaming out of control…

And you have to summon every single iota of willpower and deep breathing not to scream out of control too?

This scenario used to happen in our house on a regular basis, especially with the pandemic causing extremely long work hours, 100% remote school, minimal or no childcare due to the California wildfires, etc.

I’m so relieved to say it’s a very rare occurrence these days.

The single most important thing that’s changed is due to a tip from my therapist.

She noticed that during my online therapy sessions, my daughter would burst into my office, extremely worked up about the issue of the moment, like “Where’s my _________?”

My therapist told me rather than ignoring my daughter’s heightened energy, I should immediately soothe my daughter and help her calm herself down.

My therapist told me to put my hands on my daughter’s shoulders, run them down her arms, and hold her hands.

Look her in the eye and say, “I know you’re really upset about _______________. Take a deep breath. Let’s calm down. We’ll figure it out.”

Once I’ve helped my daughter contain and regulate her emotions, then we can problem solve.

Looking back, I think ignoring my daughter’s heightened emotions caused her to escalate. (Anther tip: yelling “Calm down, you’re stressing me out,” from across the room doesn’t help.)

I’d feel overwhelmed by her emotions and energy, and we’d both end up out in places we did not want to be.

Now we prevent the extreme emotions immediately.

That, coupled with a lot of sleep on my end, helps to maintain peace in our home.

What’s your best tip for keeping your kids - and yourself - calm?

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