How to Deal With Imposter Syndrome

I don’t know exactly what causes my imposter syndrome.

Maybe it was growing up in the Chinese community, where parents talked about the Geniuses who went to college at 12 and earned PhDs by 18.

Maybe it was going to Stanford, where my classmates won international competitions in music and athletics, and were also winning departmental awards for academics.

Maybe it’s because for the past 10 years I’ve worked part-time to focus on outside projects.

Whatever the case, I’ve battled Imposter Syndrome for a while.

At Stanford, I was in classes with national-level debaters. When you’d see them speaking in class like mini-politicians, hand gestures and all, it was hard to feel as eloquent or intelligent as them.

As a result, I limited myself from applying to certain opportunities, like a Rhodes Scholarship, because I didn’t have straight As or A pluses. (I only had a 3.7 GPA - an A-minus average - the horror (!))

Now as an adult I look back onto my college years and wish I had done things differently.

I held myself to impossibly high standards - I thought I had to be “the best”. (How do you even define “the best”?)

I experienced a mind shift last night, as I was unpacking boxes from my college days. (My parents moved to the Bay Area and brought my childhood artifacts.)

I unpacked a stack of college acceptance letters from respectable schools I had forgotten I’d been admitted to, like Rice and UNC Chapel Hill.

I found a letter that said, “Please accept my belated congratulations for being selected to participate in the Organization of Chinese American’s Summer Internship Program. OCA received nearly 100 applications for only 5 positions.”

And I saw the Stanford letterhead on several missives: “Your name has come to our attention because of your excellent performance in the Human Biology core courses… We write to tell you about a new seminar to introduce Sophomores to the honors program, Our goal is to encourage our best students to do an honors project”.

What? I completely forgot about that!

And “Congratulations on your outstanding performance in the Human Biology Core! Because you seem to have considerable aptitude for Core material, I am writing to ask whether you would consider a role in the Human Biology Learning Assistance Program”.

Wait, Stanford faculty were inviting me to be an undergraduate teaching assistant for Hum Bio, the class all pre-meds took? (You know how competitive pre-meds are!)

When I received those honors, I completely brushed them off.

I never celebrated and I completely forgot those achievements.

When I told my therapist about my struggles (aka not perfect), I expected we’d do a deep dive into healing my childhood wounds, reparenting myself, etc.

Instead she said, you went to college, right? You’ve had jobs, right? Think about your accomplishments.

Is it that easy? All I have to do is challenge my thoughts and try to find the truth?

How do I do that?

1.) Remind yourself

I have a strong tendency to forget my wins and beat myself up for my “shortcomings”. And I’ve learned that’s natural; at resting state, our brains mull over negative situations in order to solve problems.

Now whenever I need a pep talk, I click over to my business website and read my bio to remind myself of my accomplishments. Oh, that’s right, coaches hire me to coach them. I went to a top college and achieved a lot in the competitive industry of journalism. I’ve won very competitive awards. My students love me and I seriously improved their applications. And in most cases, I also impacted their lives by teaching them how to write — and think.

When I remember the truth, I can enter situations with the correct assessment of my abilities.

2.) Celebrate success

I don’t recall celebrating my successes much in my younger years. I just moved on, looking for the next challenge.

But recently my podcast was selected to be an Official Nominee for Best New Show 2020 by the AAPA. During the awards ceremony, even before I learned the results, my family went out and bought me flowers to celebrate being honored in the most competitive awards category.

And after winning an Unsung Hero Award from the Asian Hustle Network recently, I celebrated by going shopping. (Who says shopping can’t buy happiness? In moderation of course!)

Our brains tend to process memories as one experience if they are repetitive, so for example, if you take the same route to work all the time, it will be remembered as a single trip.

If you celebrate your successes by doing something out of the ordinary, you’re more likely to remember.

Plus it feels good. And that’s important, right?

3.) Find the Right Community

People often say we are the product of our five closest friends. Who do you want to be?

I find the most joy when I’m surrounded by people who love me for who I am, not what I do. There will always be someone more (or less) “successful”. And at the end of the day, the accolades we pursue don’t matter - we will die as we came into this life, empty-handed.

Our community drives our definitions of success, so make sure you’re headed towards the right End.

As I get older and see beloved friends and family getting sick and dying, I’m ready to stop driving myself towards more all the time — I want to enjoy what I have now.

How do you celebrate your wins? Have you ever dealt with Imposter Syndrome and what are you best tips to address it?