Joy In the Midst of Tough Times

It’s been about a month since my dad has gotten really sick and one of the hardest things for me is to allow myself to be happy even though he’s suffering in the hospital and skilled nursing facility (SNF).

My days are so incongruent.

One moment I’m talking to my mom about cremation and visiting prospective cemeteries, the next minute we’re admiring heirloom tomatoes from my garden.

I went on vacation to Monterey and Yosemite last week for a trip planned before my dad got sick.

I was nervous to take the trip because I was feared my dad might take a turn for the worse when I was away.

I also felt guilty having fun when my dad was so sick and my mom was so stressed.

I talked about this guilt with my therapist yesterday and here’s what she said:

Guilt is For When You Do Something Wrong

There is a difference between guilt and sadness.

Guilt is when you knowingly do something immoral.

It is not wrong to take a vacation or enjoy your life when someone you love is very sick.

You still have to live.

You’re still a mother and wife.

There isn’t anything you can do for your loved one when he’s in the hospital anyways.

Thankfully, my sister happened to be on vacation that exact same week and she visited my mom for a number of days.

Coordinating schedules and trading off to support my parents is something that’s helped.

My Dad’s Wishes

My dad has always been a very practical Tiger Parent.

Some of his last words to me when he was lucid and still talked have been:

Do what you love.

Don’t work too hard.

I mentioned that to a friend and she said, “That’s so sweet. He wants you to be happy.”

I have never thought about it that way and know she’s right.

When our loved ones are sick, they still want us to be happy and live our lives to the fullest.

Not allowing ourselves joy doesn’t help them get better.

Take good care of yourself so you’ll be in a better place to love yourself and others.

Have you ever felt “guilty” going on vacation or experiencing good things when a loved one is suffering? What are your thoughts?